Homosexuality
and
Where We Stand

The General Conference Churches:

Standing In Confusion

God created male and female to differ from and yet to complement each other. And when He did so, He oriented their sexual feeling toward those of the opposite sex. The differentiation and connectedness that characterize people are manifested in the attraction that draws the two sexes to each other in order to form a whole relationship. In some cases, sin has affected even this basic orientation, bringing about a phenomenon that has been termed inversion. In such cases, the natural orientation toward the opposite sex appears inverted, producing a basic sexual orientation toward people of the same gender. Scripture condemns homosexual practices in strongly negative terms (Gen. 19:4-10; cf. Jude 7, 8; Lev. 18:22; 20:13; Rom. 1:26-28; 1 Tim. 1:8-10). Practices of this type produce a serious distortion of the image of God in men and women. Because "all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23, KJV), Christians will deal redemptively with those who are afflicted by this disorder. They will reflect the attitude Christ took toward the woman taken in adultery: "Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more" (John 8:11, KJV). Not only those with homosexual tendencies, but all persons who are trapped in behaviors or relationships that cause anxiety, shame, and guilt need the sympathetic ear of a trained and experienced Christian counselor. No behavior is beyond the reach of God's healing grace.

Seventh-day Adentists Believe, page 303.

As a therapist who has worked on four campuses of higher education (one of them Adventist) I see firsthand the agony of kids trying to come to terms with feelings they have no control over. I hear stories of how they've tried to explain these feelings to families - only to be told that if they just pray, God will change their evil natures. I see the emotional explosiveness of broken parent-child relationships. I hear stories of Christian parents who try to convince their children to "choose to be normal" and refuse any further discussion about homosexuality. "Choice!" one kid said angrily. "Who would willingly choose to be rejected by our families and society?" I also end up hearing what kids desperately wish they could say to their parents. But my help and acceptance aren't what they need most. They need to hear mom and dad say that nothing will change their love for them, whether they understand this thing or not. As I have stood by numerous young adults in their painful questionings, I've realized that I have fewer answers than I once thought I had. How does human sexual orientation develop? What should be done when humankind's tendencies are not in sync with the original divine plan? What would I do and to whom would I turn if I were gay? How do we reconcile the Bible texts on homosexuality with actual life?

What We Know

While there remain more questions than we can answer with certainty, we do know several things:

1. Not having all the answers doesn't free us of Christian responsibility to minister in a loving manner. Ministry is not telling others how to manage lives that we wouldn't be able to manage ourselves. Jesus' most effective earthly ministry was showing that God really is on our side. Can we do the same?

2. Jesus moved closer to struggling people, not away from them. Tax collectors, prostitutes, those who brought pain upon themselves - He loved them unconditionally. Those (like the paralytic) too weak to know what steps to take were loved, forgiven, healed, and thereby motivated to new life. The lepers, the man at the Pool of Bethesda, the madmen of Gadara, the woman who washed His feet, Zacchaeus - all received Jesus' respectful, kind attentiveness while religious leaders heaped contempt on them.

3. Anyone identified by a label is seldom viewed as a real person. Our tendency is to clump people together - elderly, gay, dysfunctional, disabled. This keeps us from knowing these people as unique, lovable individuals whom we wouldn't want to hurt for the world. There's a big difference between identifying someone as "elderly" versus "my grandmother who loves me, grows flowers, and makes great berry pie."

4. The tender conviction of the Holy Spirit and the magnificent power that called Jesus from the tomb are sufficient to guide all people into paths He approves of. We forget that God is both our Saviour and Judge. We fail at experiencing restorative relationships because we are so busy trying to act as a conscience for others who live or believe differently than we do. We're afraid to condone sin by our silence, yet we seem to believe that for the sake of truth we can misrepresent Christ by being downright hateful.

5. We have much to learn about homosexuality. Experts agree that there is no one cause for being gay. Sexual orientation and behaviors are complex phenomena involving numerous factors, most of which are not determined by us as individuals. Before we take a stand on any aspect of this or any other topic, it is wise to read as much as possible. Open communication with gay persons about their spiritual and social concerns brings the facts into sharper focus. Too often exclusivity and dogmatism are signs of not being adequately informed.

6. Numerous gays have been frozen out of meaningful church, family, and heterosexual relationships and have no recourse but to isolate themselves or move toward exclusively gay communities. Do we hang back from associating with homosexuals, only to criticize their social relationships later?

7. A support network for Adventist families of gay people exists.* Sharing stories, asking questions, and reading about how others have coped have been lifesavers for many. It is not necessary to withdraw from society or end a relationship with a gay child.

8. Before you reach for the mote in your brother's or sister's eye, have you looked at the beam in your own? Have you been honestly able to confront tendencies, habits, and attitudes that are unhealthy or sinful? I'm grateful for those who don't come after me when I overeat, lose my temper, or feel despondent. We are all subject to moral dilemmas and human weakness. Some seem worse than others, but each one qualifies us for membership in the group Jesus died to save. Ours is a very complicated world. Paul summed it up beautifully in 1 Corinthians 13: "For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly); but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God]" (verse 12, Amplified).

Someday we will comprehend the circumstances that impact our lives and those of our loved ones. Until then, let's pray for wisdom, search our own hearts, walk graciously among all peoples, and imitate the One who has gone before us.

*Someone to Talk to..."newsletter, P.O. Box 13354, Mill Creek, WA 98082-1354.

Barbara Couden is the director of two university counseling centers and a faculty member at Loma Linda University, Loma Linda, California.

THE 1977 ANNUAL COUNCIL OF THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH VOTED THAT "GROSS SEXUAL PERVERSIONS, INCLUDING HOMOSEXUAL PRACTICES, ARE RECOGNIZED AS A MISUSE OF SEXUAL POWERS AND A VIOLATION OF THE DIVINE INTENTION IN MARRIAGE. AS SUCH THEY ARE JUST CAUSE FOR DIVORCE."-- GENERAL ACTIONS, P. 10.

REASONS FOR WHICH A PERSON MAY BE DISFELLOWSHIPPED FROM THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH INCLUDE "HOMOSEXUAL PRACTICE AND OTHER PERVERSIONS."-- SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH MANUAL (REVISED 1986), P. 162.

If you had asked me nine years ago what I knew about homosexuals, I would have replied emphatically that they were disgusting men, depraved and perverted, who were obsessed with sex, and furthermore, that the Bible said they would not enter heaven.

My dogmatic opinion was based on a lifetime of absorbing subtle messages from society and the church. I had never really given the subject a great deal of thought, and why should I? I didn't actually know any homosexuals, and as a minister's wife I certainly didn't think I would ever come in contact with anybody like that.

And then, one dark day, I discovered that my own son is a homosexual. That made all the difference in the world. Why? Because I know my son. And he is not at all like what I thought I "knew" about homosexuals.

Danny is a gentle person, thoughtful and considerate of others. He is intelligent, articulate, and talented in music, writing, and art. Most of all, he is deeply spiritual.

How could a person like Danny be a homosexual? Reeling from the shock of this discovery, I kept wondering, What has this been like for Danny? In the midst of my confusion and grief, I was driven to learn the truth about homosexuality, because, obviously, my preconceived ideas were not right.

Weighed down with the shame and stigma attached to homosexuals by society and church, I felt I couldn't talk to anybody about it. Instead, I began reading everything I could find about homosexuality. I read books by Christians and non-Christians, psychiatrists and scientists, parents and homosexuals themselves. I left no stone unturned. And what have I learned, after years of reading, observing, and eventually talking to people?

First Steps to Understanding

For starters, I have learned that homosexuality is a condition, not a behavior. Whatever may cause a homosexual orientation, it is not something a person chooses.

Danny told us that from his earliest memories he knew he was "different". In his eighth-grade Bible textbook he read a definition of homosexuals and recognized that this was "how" he was different. For the next eight years he prayed desperately that God would change him, and spent hours agonizing over his problem with a few trusted teachers.

Danny dated girls - always hoping to feel what other boys felt, always disappointed. And then, in college, he met a girl that he did feel something special for and thought he had at last found the answer. He asked her to marry him, and waited hopefully for more of the right feelings to come. They never did. After two and a half years he faced the fact that it wasn't going to work, and broke the engagement.

I have since learned that many homosexual men, especially Christians, do get married, hoping this will help them get over their orientation. When this does not happen, the marriage usually breaks up, bringing heartache to the whole family. Although I had mourned the loss of a prospective daughter-in-law that we dearly loved, I was now able to be thankful that she and Danny had not married.

One of the greatest fears many people, including Christians, have about homosexuals is that they cannot be trusted around children - that they will try to lure young boys or girls into this lifestyle. I learned that this fear results from confusing homosexuals with pedophiles. These individuals - usually men - are sexually attracted to children.

Praying for Change

The typical Christian answer to the dilemma of homosexuality is to pray that God will "heal" the homosexual and restore him or her to heterosexuality. A number of Christian "change" ministries testify to this widespread "solution." But, as the well-known Baptist sociologist and minister Tony Campolo points out in a video interview (From This Moment, Love), the hope that these ministries offer to homosexuals sets up most of them for disillusionment and despair.

On rare occasions God may change a person's sexual orientation, just as God may occasionally heal a person of cancer. But this is not the way God usually works.

When homosexuals are told that if they just come to God they will be "delivered" from homosexual feelings, but find this doesn't happen, they feel God has rejected them. The most frequent result is that they give up on God and the church and turn to a promiscuous lifestyle. Sometimes their despair is so great that they commit suicide.

What, then, of the successes these change ministries claim? Campolo suggests that most individuals who claim success are probably bisexuals who also have a strong religious motivation. As bisexuals they are able to choose to limit their romantic attachments to persons of the opposite sex. Change ministries, however, are unable to point to a convincing long-term success rate among those who are exclusively homosexual.

Having learned that a person's sexual orientation has nothing to do with whether or not a person is a Christian, I realized that there must be many people in our church who struggle with this dilemma. With this new awareness, I soon began to find them. Friends we had known over the years had heartaches like ours but had kept them carefully hidden.

The extent to which this hidden pain exists in our church is illustrated by a survey conducted by the Southeastern California Conference in which 45 percent of the respondents said they have a close friend or relative who is homosexual (Adventist Review, Aug. 18, 1994).

With this realization, I felt compelled to tell our story, to let other parents know they are not alone, and to share what I have learned about homosexuality with those in the church whose understanding may be at the place mine was seven years ago. My book, My Son, Beloved Stranger, was published in 1995. I have been amazed at the response. It seems that almost everyone I talk with has a friend or relative who is homosexual. Parents have called and written from all across the country, grateful finally to have someone they can talk to, someone who understands.

Jesus' Example

Are homosexuals God's children? Did not Jesus befriend prostitutes, including Mary Magdalene? He cast out Mary's demons not just once, but seven times. It was to Mary that He first appeared after His resurrection.

I feel sure that if Jesus walked our earth today, He would reach out in love and understanding to those struggling with a homosexual orientation.

As caring Christians, we can make special efforts to include homosexuals as warmly loved and appreciated members of our church family. Since the Seventh-day Adventist Church teaches that God asks them to give up hope of fulfilling their desire for sexual expression, we need to surround them with loving support and acceptance. If they occasionally lose a battle, we should demonstrate the same patience and tolerance for them as we do for ourselves and fellow Christians who slip in their struggle with pride, selfishness, or temper.

I long to see our church take the lead in demonstrating Christian love and compassion for homosexuals, neither condemning them for orientation over which they have no control, nor encouraging them to accept something less than God's best for their lives, but supporting them with prayer and understanding as they seek to follow God's plan for their lives. I invite you to join me in helping to make this happen. __________________

Kate McLaughlin is a pseudonym.

Letter of Response to Ms. McLaughlin by Garrick D. Augustus