SO, ARE YOU RESTING?

FOR MANY, SUNDAYS ARE AS BUSY AS THE REST OF THE WEEK
[Third Edition]
Boston Globe Boston, Mass. Apr 5, 1998


Abstract:

FedEx boasts in a new commercial that our lives don't stop on Sundays, so neither will their deliveries -- more proof that just about the only thing Americans can't do on Sunday is complain there's nothing to do.

Americans are so over-stressed and over-scheduled that Sundays have become just like every other day: a trip to the mall, a micro-waved meal, a drive in the minivan to soccer practice, and an e-mail to grandma to download that cookie recipe. Sociologists say that Sundays have become just a glorified Saturday -- without the glory, argue clergy, who are increasingly left at the altar in favor of youth sports.

Our day of rest is quickly becoming a day of duties, as outdated as the dewy images of family life depicted in Norman Rockwell paintings. And while many yearn for a revival of those saved-for-Sunday pleasures, research shows our Sundays may never be the same. And that we're part of the problem.

Full Text:

FedEx boasts in a new commercial that our lives don't stop on Sundays, so neither will their deliveries -- more proof that just about the only thing Americans can't do on Sunday is complain there's nothing to do.

Americans are so over-stressed and over-scheduled that Sundays have become just like every other day: a trip to the mall, a micro-waved meal, a drive in the minivan to soccer practice, and an e-mail to grandma to download that cookie recipe. Sociologists say that Sundays have become just a glorified Saturday -- without the glory, argue clergy, who are increasingly left at the altar in favor of youth sports.

Our day of rest is quickly becoming a day of duties, as outdated as the dewy images of family life depicted in Norman Rockwell paintings. And while many yearn for a revival of those saved-for-Sunday pleasures, research shows our Sundays may never be the same. And that we're part of the problem.

Scholars who study how we spend our time contend that the lifting of the Blue Laws 20 years ago allowing stores to be open on Sunday has forced us to impose leisure on ourselves, a tough-to-take concept in a society where, for some, relaxing equals slacking and work is just a home computer log-on away.

"Americans say they need a day of rest, that they would even trade a day's pay for one more day off. But in reality, Americans are not ready for that lifestyle," said Professor John Robinson of the University of Maryland, who co-wrote `Time for Life: The Surprising Ways Americans Use Their Time.' "It's a mark of an important person to keep busy. Even on Sundays."

The disappearance of restful Sundays has placed significant stress on families, leaving little room for meals, conversation, lingering over the Sunday paper (Be honest: Are you reading this on Tuesday?), or just time to lounge around the house. Even if they are home together, parents and children are likely to be in separate rooms doing things they couldn't get to on Saturday or during the week, research shows.

As women have entered the workforce in higher numbers than ever, Sundays have become a day to cram in everything there is no time to do during the week.

"From the moment we get up, one of us goes one way, the other one goes the other way, and we may not be together again until nighttime," said Carol Hathaway of North Andover, describing how she and her husband and two sons typically spend their Sundays. "It's like we're on a treadmill."

A peek inside the local church provides powerful evidence of what families now face on Sunday. Clergy complain that they're losing their flock to Pop Warner football, Little League baseball, and ice hockey.

"I know it's spring when our kids start disappearing from Sunday school to go to soccer games and practices," said the Rev. Scott McLean, pastor at First Congregational Church in Stoughton. It's not unusual, McLean said, to have Sunday school attendance sliced in half by youth sports.

The problem has gotten so bad that the Massachusetts Council of Churches, an ecumenical Christian organization, issued a statement earlier this year expressing dismay that too many youth activities are conflicting with church services.

"Sunday traditionally was observed as a day of rest," the statement said. "In Christian theology, it has a deeper meaning. It is the day of the Lord, a day of reverence. A pattern of public insensitivity to the religious traditions of our churches has emerged."

The statement has been met with widespread enthusiasm in many of the nearly 1,700 congregations that received it. "We've clearly touched a raw nerve," said the Rev. Diane Kessler, executive director of the council.

Judy McLellan, a parishioner at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in North Andover, grew up in a home where there was little question that Sunday was a day for God. Today, it's not so easy. She and her husband must juggle their three children's hectic schedules.

When her 13-year-old son was in a wrestling program earlier this year, the meets would conflict with Sunday morning service. McLellan brought her son to the matches as soon as she could. But she refused to miss church.

"The choices parents are being forced to make disrupt the whole family," said the Rev. John Maheras, pastor of Nativity of the Virgin Mary Greek Orthodox Church in Cohasset. "Sunday morning is probably the last bastion of time left for families to be together."

Some local clergy associations have lobbied sports leagues to avoid scheduling competitions on Sunday mornings, with little success. League officials say they have no choice because more kids are playing sports and a limited supply of fields and gyms means they must be used both Saturdays and Sundays.

"It would be great if we could say leave Sundays free for church, but that's not going to happen," said David Edwards, director of the Greater Lawrence Council of Churches.

Over-stressed and over-scheduled families pay a price -- not just because they have less time to do more things, but also in terms of mental health, say family therapists. Family communication can break down when there's no time to talk.

"We all need space to stop and reflect on what we're doing and to talk about what's on our minds," said professor Janine Roberts, a family therapist at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. "Many times I'll have families come in for therapy and say that they just never sit down and talk. My main goal is to get them to do that outside of therapy."

One of Roberts' colleagues, Maureen Perry-Jenkins, a professor of family and community studies, sees a small sliver of silver lining in the go-go pace of Sundays. Parents are using that 15-minute ride to soccer practice or the 40 minutes spent in the supermarket as a chance to spend time with their kids.

"Clearly, we have a time crunch we've never seen before, but what we're also seeing is parents being as resourceful as they can," Perry-Jenkins said.

Although there are no studies that examine Sunday activities specifically, there are two distinct sociological theories on what we're doing with our Sunday time. Robinson says that Americans have more leisure time than ever before, despite feeling that they are constantly trying to fit more into their lives. That's the problem, he said. People are filling up their free time because they cannot simply do nothing, Robinson says.

And, television has become so essential to our lives, it appears in the top-five list of activities Americans say are vital free-time pursuits in a number of national studies. Robinson says that if we shut off the TV, we'd find scores of extra hours we complain we no longer have.

Still others contend that leisure time is winnowing away, that work hours have increased in the past half-century, and we're spending more time at the office than anywhere else.

According to University of Iowa leisure-studies professor Benjamin Hunnicutt, the bigger societal implications are that if we don't unplug, wind down, make time for church, stay home, and interface more with the kids than the computer, work will eventually eclipse leisure and we'll grow further apart.

"In the 19th century, work was a means to an end," said Hunnicutt, author of `Saving Work: A Failing Faith.' "Now, work is a modern religion, an end in itself. Work has bled so deeply into the freer parts of life, there is not much to do but work, do errands, and collapse. It's devalued our culture and community because there is no time left for either."

For many families, though, Sunday is still held dear and, if nothing else, they will take the time to cook a "real" dinner, as opposed to the "quickie" meals the hectic work week demands.

John Dewar, owner of John Dewar meats in Newton, said that over the past 20 years, he has seen a decline in the sale of everyday cutlets, steaks, chops, and ground meat, but specialty meats such as roasts and leg of lamb are still big sellers.

"People are not eating together during the week, so they will take that time on Sunday to be together around the table," said Dewar, who chose to remain closed on Sundays despite competition from nearby grocery chains that are open seven days a week. "They are definitely still treating themselves to that Sunday dinner, which is nice to see."

The Sebios of Franklin are among those families who see Sunday as a day of family renewal. Each Sunday at 4 p.m., Fran and Michelle Sebio cook a multi-course dinner, always beginning with pasta and homemade sauce, for their two grown children, their daughter-in-law, their year-old granddaughter, and Michelle's 75-year-old dad. It's understood in this family that no matter how hectic their lives get during the week, attendance by each member of the four generations is mandatory on Sunday.

"I always tell them that it is so important for the family to pull together at the end of the work week, to come back to this table and carry on our traditions and be close," said Fran Sebio, 54, a developer. "We talk, we yell, we fight, someone will bring up an old story, an old memory. This is how my granddaughter will learn the history of her family, who she is, where she comes from, what we're all about. Otherwise, we're just all running around out there crazy, with no connection to each other. This meal, this day, keeps us connected."

Copyright Boston Globe Newspaper Apr 5, 1998